curate your habit wardrobe
a reality check and tactical guide for practicing consistency
There are days you feel unstoppable. You’re ready for the day and all the challenges it brings. Your energy is up—and your goals? They better watch out. You’re coming for them. SAME. But then there are the other days...the ones where motivation feels like a distant memory and your to-do list is haunting you. Also same.
I had one of those weeks last week. It was my final week of employment for an unknowable amount of time. And as Monday rolled around all I could think was what have I done.
It makes sense, I suppose, that I would feel some sense of grief. A lot of life was lived in the last five years. A career pivot, a pandemic, a new car bought and sold, four different cities I’ve called home, a few funerals and multiple weddings (including my own), a few hobbies started and stopped, three summers spent in Europe with best friends (pinch me, honestly), athletic milestones that once seemed impossible, friendships built and strengthened. The list goes on, and that’s why it’s weird ya know? Because life goes on. On Monday everyone will show up and sign in.
But I won’t.
So last Friday, after my computer was officially bricked, I leaned into the big feelings and took what can only be described as a rainy, cinematic walk to the Brooklyn waterfront, where I stared at the Manhattan skyline—the drama of it all. There is nothing like some big buildings and water to remind yourself that this too shall pass, and that the me on the other side of this discomfort is going to be worth knowing. I’m really excited to meet her.
As last week was disrupted by big change and big feelings, the couch looked a little comfier than usual, and my phone was a little more enticing than normal. I struggled to make progress on this very post. But that’s exactly the kind of week the Habit Wardrobe is made for.
So, while I missed my “post every week” goal, I did show up for my “I use my words to inspire growth, reflection, and action in myself and others” identity in other ways. I eventually got my thoughts down and—surprise!!—made you a downloadable worksheet to help you curate your own Habit Wardrobe.
More than anything, I want the Habit Wardrobe to feel attainable. I want you to read this and think “why didn’t anyone just say so?” I want you to feel capable and inspired to try it right now. But if I’m honest, I’d be a little devastated if you interpreted it as a cheat code. So, before we dive into the how, I’d like to give you the pep talk (or reality check) you need to hear about discipline.
I know, I know. Discipline has a bad rep: hustle culture, “bro science,” a conversation that typically feels a little…exclusive. Google “discipline books” and you’ll see what I mean. It’s a lot of men telling other men to work harder, push through pain, and just get it done. And In the right afternoon light, read with an energy drink in hand it might feel inspiring. But it’s not exactly welcoming.
I also know it’s easy to look at people who seem super disciplined and assume they have it all figured out, or that they never question whether they are going to get it all done today. It’s easy to think they’ve been blessed by the discipline gods, genetically gifted with that je ne sais quoi.
But I’m here to tell you that discipline is a skill. And like any skill, it can be learned.
Discipline is the result of small, consistent action. It’s simple, and not quite as exclusive as its marketing would have you believe. It’s attainable, but there are no shortcuts. There is no system, no app, and no motivational quote that will get you there without putting in the work yourself. You cannot fake consistency, and it does require showing up even when it’s tough and motivation is nowhere to be found.
The good news: it gets easier over time with practice. That’s exactly what The Habit Wardrobe is designed to help you do—practice consistency.
*steps off soap box*
Let’s get into it.
Own your direction of travel.
First things first: get clear on the identity you’re doing this for. In the same way personal fashion advice asks you to consider your life’s realities (I am unfortunately not frequenting galas, for example), you need to do the same with your habits. Knowing what aspect of your identity this wardrobe is for is mission critical. Write it down, say it out loud. And then admit to yourself why this identity feels important right now. What is the urgency you feel for this identity?
Assess the realities of your life right now.
There are (at least) four common reasons it can feel hard to show up for yourself. So take a deep breath, and let go of the should’ves, would'ves and could’ves and give yourself some grace—we all struggle with them. I was literally bulldozed by a few just last week.
Expedience: Sometimes, it’s just easier not to do something. Whether it’s because you’re tired, stressed, or just meh about it, we all make decisions that priorities ease.
Ecosystem: Is your environment supporting you or working against you? If your habits aren’t aligned with your surroundings—whether that’s your living situation, your friends, or your workspace—it’s going to be hard to make consistent progress.
Events: Life happens. And by “life,” I mean sickness, busy weeks, vacations, date nights. Good or bad, events have an impact.
Expectations: Internal and external expectations exist. When you feel like you should be doing something, or should not be, or should be doing it in a very specific way, it’s easy to get discouraged.
On any given day you might face one or more of these. A little self-reflection here can give you major insight into how to approach your habits moving forward. How have these tripped you up in the past?
Give yourself a treat.
Do not skip. Be nice to yourself—it’s hard out here!! Make a big cup of tea, break out the chocolate, or take a walk and get yourself a cup of coffee. You’ve got this.
Brainstorm your basics.
Now, the fun part. Curating your Habit Wardrobe is about optionality. It’s about aligning your habits with who you want to be, even if you only have 10 minutes to spare. Think of your habits as options for meeting the realities of your day. On a day where expedience, events, ecosystem, or expectations feels most threatening, what does progress over perfection look like in this situation? What action can you take to prove your identity today?
Brainstorm a set of habits that can help you practice consistency when faced with life’s realities.
Curate your Habit Wardrobe.
Motivation will come and go. But when you’ve got a Habit Wardrobe that fits your life and adapts with you, you don’t need to wait for motivation to feel ready. You’ll just show up, day after day. So take your brainstormed basics and curate them into a set of intentions with step-by-step actions you will take to prioritize progress over perfection when faced with the realities of life.
Keep it visible and keep evolving.
You know when you’re cleaning out your closet and you stumble upon an item you totally forgot you had? That’s fun and can spark inspiration, but it’s not what we want here. We’re practicing consistency, not occasional action. So keep your Habit Wardrobe visible, ok? Review it regularly to see what’s working, what’s not, and what needs to be edited.
If your wardrobe feels like it no longer fits you, it’s time to update it! That’s a good thing—it means you’ve been consistent and you’ve grown. Proud of you already.
Ready to curate your Habit Wardrobe? I’ve created a downloadable template that walks you through each of these steps (with even more detail) so you can start curating your own Habit Wardrobe today. It’s all laid out for you—just grab the template, and work through it at your own pace.
02.12 Edit: including a template + example as requested by some of you!
It’s also the first time I’ve ever made a worksheet and tried to put my brain down on paper like this. So as you give it a try, I would love to hear from you on the good, the not-so-good, and everything in between. What questions do you have about applying this framework to your own life? How could the worksheet be made better? Found a typo? Please let me know!
Most importantly: I hope this framework helps you rethink your approach to discipline. The key is to show up as the person you want to be—even if it’s just in small, imperfect, consistent actions.
a) i feel like a celebrity with a text featured b) i think this is the kind of flexible and gentle yet honest framework i need in my life currently!!!!
brb filling out my habit wardrobe right now! disruptions throw me off soo much! felt like I was crushing it, then I got sick last week… getting back on it is so hard!